


Sammyclassicsonicfan's Ultimate Adventure

by xandermartin98



Category: Internet Personalities
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-06
Updated: 2014-09-06
Packaged: 2018-02-16 08:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2263530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xandermartin98/pseuds/xandermartin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sammyclassicsonicfan goes on an awesome adventure to infiltrate the evil Dorkstrum's secret volcano base and foil his plan to release Sonic Adventure 3. Rated F for Frick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sammyclassicsonicfan's Ultimate Adventure

One day, Sammyclassicsonicfan decided it was time to go on a REAL adventure. "I think it's time I took a little break from the video games and went on a HUGE adventure!"

He went down to his basement to equip himself.

For his arms, he equipped a mysteriously powerful wooden sword and the Shield Of Truth (a steel replica of the Hylian Shield). For his torso, he equipped his Pokemon hoodie and his Fire Mario backpack. For his feet, he equipped his Sonic The Hedgehog shoes. For his legs, he equipped his Pac-Man blue jeans.

For his eyes, he equipped his Johnny Cage sunglasses (yes, it is rumored that he actually plays Mortal Kombat when he feels like it). A new evil was rising, and Sammy had decided that it was his destiny to stop it.

An evil man named Dorkstrum, who was a huge Sonic fan just like Sammy, had built a secret base on a remote private island. Because Sammy always has so much time on his hands, he was able to pinpoint the location of the island where Dorkstrum's hideout was located.

"Looks like I'm frickin' heading off to this stupid frickin' island..." Sammy thought to himself. "They better have some frickin' coconuts over there..."

Sammy got a private helicopter for free using a discount coupon and flew out to the island. There was no exact place to land, so Sammy jumped out onto the shore when the helicopter was just a few feet above the ground.

Sammy saw that there was a village of people there. He decided to investigate. He found out that the people of the village were actually supportive of Dorkstrum's rule; this made Sammy very angry.

"OKAY!!! THAT IS IT!!!" Sammy yelled at the top of his lungs. "THIS! IS THE FINAL! STRAW!!! I've had it with all these fricking trolls, and all these fricking haters, and all these fricking...SONIC FAN FRICKS!"

"WHY DO WE NEED ANOTHER EVIL RULER? WHY DO WE NEED THAT? WHY? TELL ME? TELLL MEEE!!! TELL ME NOWWW!!!"

"We have no choice, young Sammy." the village elder replied.

"Why can't you guys launch your rebuttal against Dorkstrum for a 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME? WHY'S IT HAVE TO BE THIS HARD!?! YOU...FRICKING...FRICKS!!!"

"Dude, calm your tits." the village elder replied.

"Your FANTASIES can't ever be quenched, can they? YOU FRICKING FRICKS!" Sammy yelled. "WHEN WILL YOU LEARN? WHEN WILL YOU LEARN, THAT YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!?!?"

"Why's it have to be like this?" Sammy sighed. "Why does it have to BE LIKE THIS!?!?" Sammy screamed through clenched teeth, kicking the wall of someone's house. "I'm tired of this, the Sonic series is ruined THANKS TO YOU GUYS!!!"

"Dude, seriously, shut the f*** up." one of the villagers said.

Sammy began a long speech.

"PLEASE, SONIC fans, I beg of you, PLEASE STOP SUPPORTING SONIC ADVENTURE 3! And SUPPORT my idea...of a 3D PLATFORMING Classic Sonic game, PLEASE!!! Please! 

Please, ALL SONIC FANS OUT THERE, we can assemble...and heal Sonic for good! WE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN, to these ADVENTURE...fantasizer-zers! These FRICKIN' fan fricks, we don't have to frickin' listen to them! Please Sonic fans- WEEEEURRRRGH!!!

STOP SUPPORTING SONIC ADVENTURE 3, STOP! RUINING! SONIC! You FRICKING fan fricks ruined (starts writhing wildly) SONIC, URRRRGH!!! FRICK! FRICK! OW, FRICK! FRIIICK! URGH, FRICK! THIS IS FRICKIN' STU-PID! URR, CURSE YOUUU!!! CURSE YOU SONIC FANBASE!!!"

"Whoa, you know what?" one of the villagers said. "Even though this kid is completely insane and so obnoxious he made my ears bleed, I think we should form an army against evil and join Sammy in a battle against Dorkstrum."

"Great!" Sammy replied. "So, do you know where Dorkstrum's secret base is then?"

"Yes." the village elder replied. "It's inside the Fireflame volcano."

"Just as I suspected." Sammy replied. "Where's the secret entrance?"

"In the back of the volcano." the village elder explained. "Go around the edge of the volcano and look for an odd rock sticking out of the wall."

Heeding this advice, Sammy took off on a dirtbike while the villagers stayed at home sipping hot tea and eating coconuts.

"These fricking fricks can't shoot me down with their ARROWS OF LIES!" Sammy yelled triumphantly, pulling out his BB-gun and shooting the evil soldiers' eyes out with it while blocking their arrows of lies with his Shield Of Truth.

Sammy jumped over a shark, rode over some hills, curved through some paths, beat the fricking crap out of a few guards with his kickass wooden sword, and pressed the rock-shaped button which opened the secret entrance tunnel of the volcano. He silently ran inside using the power of his Sonic sneakers.

The heat was sweltering, but luckily he had taken his Lego water bottle with him. He swung his sword as he ran across the treacherous catwalks of the volcano base, knocking guards over the railing and causing them to fall into the boiling lava down below.

Soon he reached the central platform of the catwalks, the platform where Dorkstrum and his Sonic supercomputer were situated.

"This is it, you frickin' frick!" Sammy yelled. "PREPARE TO DIE!"

Dorkstrum laughed. "Don't make me laugh. You are nothing. You suck. You will die, mortal. Feel the power of Dorkstrum." Dorkstrum pulled out a katana and sliced Sammy's wooden sword in half with it. Sammy found a nearby sword that one of the guards had dropped and picked it up.

Sammy and Dorkstrum had a long and climactic sword duel on top of the central platform, culminating with Dorkstrum knocking the sword out of Sammy's hands so that it fell into the lava and melted. 

Dorkstrum then proceeded to trap Sammy at the edge of the balcony of the central platform, pointing his katana straight at Sammy's face.

"Who...WHAT THE FRICK ARE YOU, you fricking frick?" Sammy asked, bewildered with confusion.

"The Internet never told you what happened to your father." Dorkstrum explained.

"It frickin' told me enough!" Sammy yelled. "It told me you frickin' killed him!"

"NO." Dorkstrum responded, pulling off his mask. "I AM YOUR FATHER."

Sammy couldn't believe his eyes. "WHO ARE YOU?" he asked in bewilderment.

"I...am Chris Chan." Dorkstrum revealed.

"NOOOOOOO!!! FRICK!!!" Sammy screamed, jumping off the edge of the balcony and falling into the lava core of the secret volcano base.

The moment Sammy's body touched the lava, he suddenly found himself laying in a bed. "What? That was just a dream? Aww, man...well, at least I'm still alive, I guess. Time for more boring frickin' online school and frickin' video games..."

THE END


End file.
